Welcome, all, welcome, to a very special Sleep Deprivation Theatre! Sadly, we have no new program for you tonight, but the two creators of the show - queenofdenile and sodanyc - have composed the cast list of their latest show. Here is a preview of things to come for our very special production: The Characters of Lost in Monty Python and the Holy Grail!

King Arthur and his Knights of the Round Table
King Arthur: JACK, the fearless leader
Patsy, his trusty servant with coconuts: HURLEY, the loyal sidekick
Sir Bedevere, King Arthur's partner on the quest for the Grail: KATE, who wants to go everywhere King Arthur goes
Sir Lancelot the Brave: SAYID, the stalwart and true
Sir Galahad the Pure: BOONE, the kind and the easily duped
Sir Robin the not-quite-as-brave-as-Sir-Lancelot: CHARLIE, the perpetually frightened

The Characters They Meet Along the Way
The First Knight With the Swallow Fascination: WALT
Dennis: CHARLIE
Dennis's Mom: HURLEY
The Black Knight: LOCKE, for he must be the alpha male just like King Arthur
The Guy Who's Not Quite Dead and Is Getting Better: BOONE
The Witch! The Witch!: CLAIRE, for her spawn may be evil
Voice of God: Who else but JACK?
The Professor from the Present Day and His Wife: JIN and SUN
The French Knight: DANIELLE (typecasting, I know)
Korean Guard: JIN, taunting right along with Danielle
Three-Headed Knight: SAWYER, JIN, and MICHAEL, for they are constantly arguing
Zoot and Dingo, Keepers of the House of Althrax: SHANNON, for she tempts Galahad with promises of spankings and oral sex
The Knight Who Says, "NI!": SAWYER, for he forces King Arthur to jump through hoops before offering any help or supplies
The Crone: SHANNON
Roger the Shrubber: SUN, for she is wise in the way of plants
Prince Herbert: WALT, locked in the tower by his overprotective father
Prince Herbert's Father: MICHAEL, for he is overprotective of his son and has to rebuild his fallen castle
Prince Herbert's Bride: CLAIRE. Pretend she's ugly.
The Bride's Father Who is Not Quite Dead and is Getting Better: THE MARSHAL who arrested KATE
Tim the Enchanter: LOCKE, for he knows the ways of the land
The Evil Rabbit with Nasty Sharp Pointy Teeth: VINCENT
Brother Maynard, Keeper of the Holy Hand Grenade: JIN, for he is wise
Brother Andrew: CHARLIE
The Guard to the Bridge, Otherwise Known as the Man From Scene Twenty-Four: ETHAN, for he is creepy

First, new default icon.

Second, I think we need a little humor to cheer ourselves up about this election. sodanyc and I decided to write some letters to powerful people in politics.

Dear Barack,
Congratulations on your win! You really seem to the new face of the Democratic Party. And quite a handsome face too.

Dear John Kerry,
Now that you're no longer busy running for President, I have an important question to pose to you as a member of the U.S. Senate.
Wanna go snowboarding? (If snowboarding doesn't work for you, I'm also very good at windsurfing.)

Dear Senator Schumer,
Hee. Schumer. Shoooo-muurrrrr. You've got a funny name.

Dear Aragorn,
Congratulations on your recent election to....oh, wait. You're fictional.

Dear Bush,
How's it going down there? Have I been kind to you lately? Do you need me to give you a little tickle every once in a while? How can I make both you and me happy?
.....What, you didn't think I was talking to THAT Bush, did you?

Dear Senator Clinton,
Keep up the good work. Rumor has it that you have serious potential to run in 2008. The U.S. needs a serious change, and a female president would be a fabulous way to accomplish that. Oh, can you say hello to Billy-boy for me?

Dear Mary Cheney,
Are you SURE you're a lesbian?

Dear John Edwards,
What type of facial moisturizer do you use?

Dear Jon Stewart,
If Barack Obama runs for president, will you be his running mate?
P.S. Would you consider leaving your wife and child for me? (I make fabulous noodle kugel and potato latkes.)
P.P.S. - If not, could you give me Ed Helms' number? I hear he's still single.

Dear Stephen Colbert,
Are you sure your relationship with Mr. Stewart is purely professional?

Dear Samantha Bee,
I know you're a very naughty girl. What did YOU buy at the porn store today?

Dear Senator Kennedy,
I am shocked and astounded to hear that you are a conservative! How did this happen? When did this happen? Stop the madness!

Dear Laura Bush,
How exactly are you wired? Which company manufactures you? Have you ever changed your facial expression or hairstyle? EVER?

Dear Rudy Guiliani,
So where exactly DID you put the homeless people in New York?

Dear John McCain,
You are a Republican who is not closely related to me, yet I still love you. How did you accomplish this feat?

Dear Senators from those states in the middle,
I am incredibly uniformed regarding most of you. But based on the map with the pretty colors, it seems that I probably disagree with you. But I do have an imporant question for all of you: do you know Senator Obama? Could you introduce me to him?

Dear Governor who was on The Daily Show election night,
You seem pretty cool for a Republican. Why can't you run for president?

Dear Howard Dean,
If you could refrain from screaming over the next few days, that would be great. Especially if you have any ideas about 2008.

Dear Bill Clinton,
Come back! We misssssss yooooouuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111

Dear scaryveinybb,
I know you're very young and not an American citizien, but could you be president?

Dear Colin Powell,
I know. Yeah, I know. No, seriously, I feel your pain. But stick around anyway, okay? You give us hope.

Dear Deep Throat,
Where are you? Come on, Nixon got impeached for less than this. Or at least he would have.

Dear West Coast,
Hey baby, how *you* doin'?
Love, The East Coast

Dear Monica Lewinsky,
Please come back to the White House. Or send some of your friends. (And remind them not to take their dresses to the dry cleaners.)

Dear President Bush,
A grudging congratulations on your first presidential win.
P.S. Sweden has an army. No, really.

Dear Gandalf,
I know you're fictional, but we needed to squeeze in a couple of LotR references, or we wouldn't be us.

Dear Billy, Dom, Elijah, Sean, Bean and Viggo,
Call us!

Dear Joss,
Please come back to the television world. We need a new distraction!

Dear Ralph Nader,
No more elections for you! (said in Soup Nazi voice)

Dear writers of The Simpsons and South Park,
You better parody the shit out of this or else. I'm just sayin'.

Dear Staff of The Daily Show,
Need any interns? I know we suck, but...

sodanyc and I needed another LotR spam. This time, we cast the LotR actors in roles on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel. This proved to be difficult, as LotR is a male-dominated cast and BtVS is a female-dominated show. But we worked with what we could

Miranda Otto as Buffy
Viggo Mortensen as Angel
Dominic Monaghan as Spike
(Note: When we cast Viggo as Angel and Dom as Spike, a magical thing happened - Soda became a B/A shipper and I suddenly fell in love with Spuffy. What a difference a casting decision makes!)
Christopher Lee as Dawn. (The Key was brought to you in the form of...a creepy grandfather?)
Sir Ian McKellen as the Master
Sean Bean as Giles. A little young, but he'd be a great Ripper.
Liv Tyler as Glory
Sir Ian Holm as Doc
John Rhys-Davies as Adam
Karl Urban as Lindsey
David "Daisy" Wenham as Wesley
Cate Blanchett as Lilah
Billy Boyd as Doyle
Elijah Wood as Connor
Orlando Bloom as Groo
Bernard Hill as Ted
Brad Dourif as Principal Snyder
John Noble as Quentin Travers
Hugo Weaving as Holland Manners
Andy Serkis as Gachnar (and every other Monster of the Week)
Sean Astin as Xander (awwww!)

You knew we'd be back. That's right. sodanyc & I welcome you to -

Middle Earth University

Student: Frodo Baggins
Major: Psychology/Anthropology
Extracurriculars: Environmental Club, Ultimate Frisbee
Senior Quote: "A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else. MB, PT, and especially SG - you guys rock."

Student: Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood
Major: Cosmetology
Extracurriculars: Archery
Senior Quote: "College is now over."

( Check out the rest of the yearbook behind the cut )

I thought I'd post again, since I haven't made a post in three whole hours.

I love the cast of Lord of the Rings. I could not have cast it better myself. They are the dream cast. So, of course, sodanyc and I had to create the Nightmare Cast - or, considering the number of musicians we put in here, it could also be Lord of the Rings: THE MUSICAL!

Note: some of these people we really, really dislike. Others, we like or are indifferent to, and would just be horribly miscast in that particular role. Capice?

Starring...

James Van Der Beek as FRODO
John Goodman as GANDALF
David Boreanaz as ARAGORN
Marc Blucas as SAM
Freddie Prinze Jr. as MERRY
Ashton Kutcher as PIPPIN
Jim Carrey as BOROMIR
Horatio Sanz as LEGOLAS
Leonardo DiCaprio as GIMLI
Mischa Barton as ARWEN
Gwyneth Paltrow as GALADRIEL
J-Lo as EOWYN
Alec Baldwin as BILBO
Ben Stiller as SARUMAN
David Schwimmer as WORMTONGUE
Adam Sandler as ELROND
Michael Richards as FARAMIR
David Spade as HALDIR
Elton John as DENETHOR
Boy George as THEODEN
Sarah Michelle Gellar as ROSIE COTTON
with Gilbert Godfried as TREEBEARD
Macaulay Culkin as Gollum
and animated My Pretty Ponies as the BLACK RIDERS

Last night, sodanyc and I created a Lord of the Rings drinking game. I proudly post it here.

( The Lord of the Rings Drinking Game )


( We also present the Lord of the Rings Cast Commentary Drinking Game! )